My Shameless Addiction
The craving cycle no one talks about
Every night, I walked to the mall for dinner.
I ordered a turkey Subway sandwich—6-inch, whole wheat, no cheese. All the vegetables.
It made me feel disciplined. In control. Like I was doing something “right.”
Then I’d walk by the Lindt store.
Just walk by.
Until one night, I stopped.
The Pattern:
I told myself I was hungry.
I deserved one treat.
That a few chocolates wouldn’t hurt.
So I bought a bag of truffles.
Ate one on the escalator.
Another in the elevator.
Three more by the time I reached my hotel room.
Then I’d sit on the bed, bloated, slightly sick, and completely ashamed.
I’d tell myself I’d be better tomorrow.
And the cycle would begin again.
What I Didn’t Know:
That turkey sandwich wasn’t giving me enough fat or protein to stabilize my blood sugar.
The sugar crash afterward made me crave quick glucose, like chocolate.
The stress from travel and corporate pressure kept my cortisol high, which made me hungrier, even when I wasn’t truly hungry.
The shame made me eat faster. Hide the wrappers. Start the next day with guilt.
This wasn’t a lack of willpower.
It was a biological response to a system I didn’t understand.
Why I’m Writing This
I’m not here to demonize chocolate.
Or Subway.
Or carbs.
I was never told to “eat light.”
I was told to finish my plate.
To take seconds.
To never say no to my auntie’s samosas or my mom’s mandazi.
But I was also told I was fat.
I should lose weight.
That I’d never get married if I didn’t “do something about it.”
No one taught me what insulin resistance was.
No one explained why I craved sugar even after a full meal.
No one said that belly fat could be hormonal, genetic, or trauma-held.
I was expected to be thin, but never taught how to be healthy.
This Newsletter Is My Undoing of That
I’m unlearning the systems that failed me and rebuilding something that honors our cravings, culture, and chemistry.
If you’ve ever eaten in secret, punished your body, or wondered why you can’t “just stop”, stay with me.
You’re not broken.
You’re not weak.
You’re responding exactly the way your body was designed to.
P.S. I’m working on something big.
Please take my survey
Thanks!